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The Dark Knight sliced its way into my top five favorite movies ever. Maybe even took over the number one slot.
I can see how some say that The Joker is the role that killed Heath Ledger. Brilliance in insanity must be far from easy. |
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It's been a pretty crazy month. Aside from the stuff I posted earlier, there have been a lot of things stressing me out. This, however, was the biggest:
My family has been having massive health problems. My grandmother fell, broke her hip and moved into assisted living (more on that later). My aunt Shelley had a cancerous melanoma removed from her cheek and required massive reconstructive surgery. My Dad effectively had a stroke- a clot from his carotid artery broke of and went to his head. Luckily, it was small enough that it got to his eye and stuck there before it got to his brain. Unluckily, he is now partially blind in his left eye. And there's risk that worse could happen.
This was all going down right around finals and graduation. I didn't even mention it here because I was just trying to put it out of my mind so I could finish school. It was really all too much for me to bear at the moment.
But this last week, I went back to Sac to take care of some stuff, but mostly to see people and help move my grandparents into assisted living. I was terrified to go. I have, fortunately or no, led a rather un-tragic life. I've never been close to anyone who has died, or even been seriously ill when I knew them. The worst thing I've been around was Stevo going away last year, and I was in London for half of that (which honestly left me with other guilt issues, but that's for another day). I didn't know how I would respond, and the whole thing scared the hell out of me. I actually had a bit of a break down over it during a Dolly rehearsal... thank God for Rick, that's the sweetest man on the planet there.
By and large, though, things were really okay. That's not to say there weren't the more painful moments- like my Alzheimer's riddled grandmother tearing up as we leave one day, saying the only thing she can remember or focus on at the moment: "I love you both so much, thank you for being here" over and over. Oof... But the whole thing taught me a lot.
Much as I'd like to, I can rarely "save" anyone. My "knight in shining armor complex" (as my mother puts it) is really powerful, but rarely useful.
A lot of change is scary as fuck, but can really surprise you for the better, even when you expect the worst. Case in point, my grandparent's new old folks home is bloody amazing. If there were a bunch of people my age living there, I'd TOTALLY live there. It's unbelievably nice, it really calmed the scary images in my head of a decrepit building with old people begging to be "set free." Instead, it's practically a resort, and as we're going out to the car to grab more stuff, some old lady walks up to Grandpa, almost says something, then goes "OH! I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else and I was about to just give you a big old hug."
And he says "Don't let that stop you." So she hugged him. Beautiful.
So maybe I need to stop focusing on how lonely I'm "going to be" in Connecticut and during my career on the whole, and instead pay some attention to how fucking awesome it could end up being.
And I love the people around me. I can easily focus on that instead of the sense of limbo I've been dwelling on the last few weeks. Screw that, I'm better than it. Example: I'm thinking two of my really good friends may be starting something beautiful. I'm hoping that at least. It could make me feel weird, kinda did at first, but fuck that. I want the people I love to be happy and I think that could happen, so I'm 100% cheerleading for it. It makes me really happy to think about. And there are thousands of other things that I can think of that make me feel similarly giddy. Like the fact that I found a Fall Out Boy cover of Michael Jackson's "Beat it" featuring a BITCHIN' solo by John Mayer. Say what you will and judge if you must. The shit makes me wanna dance.
And Barack Obama WILL be the next president of the United States. People can get pissed at Michelle, but I'll happily say it: It makes me feel proud to be American for the first time in YEARS.
The last couple of days, I've realized that I was pretty depressed over the last couple months. Glad that I can kinda break out of it when I realize what's going.
Time to have some fun.Current Mood:  cheerful Current Music: Beat it- FOB |
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Angelo. Measure for Measure. I felt like it went well.
Bald Soprano went up- I think it went better than I could have ever imagined. Lizzie's telling me I should keep directing, I thinking I want less stress than that, and to keep my hair.
My classes are basically done. One Shakespeare paper left.
Sadly, now I just feel like I'm waiting.
The horizon's so close, yet not. I'm ready for the future and terrified of it. I have potential and that creates the pressure... or need... to fulfill it. I'm so bored and hope for more. I desperately want to leave, but not to be gone. Or maybe it's the other way around. Or both. Who knows?
"Why this farce day after day?"
"Routine. One never knows." Current Mood:  blah Current Music: The Format |
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Current Mood:  calm Current Music: Panic at the Disco |
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Mar. 29th, 2008 @ 01:06 pm
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That Green Gentleman (Things Have Changed)- Panic at the Disco
From the new album: Pretty. Odd.
Things are shaping up to be pretty odd.
Little deaths in musical beds.
So it seems I'm someone I've never met.
You will only hear these elegant crimes,
Fall on your ears from criminal dimes.
They spill unfound from a pretty mouth.
Everybody gets there and everybody gets their way.
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her,
Now I'm the only one to blame.
Things have changed for me, and that's okay.
I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say-
Things have changed for me, and that's okay.
I want to go where everyone goes,
I want to know what everyone knows
I want to go where everyone feels the same
I never said I'd leave the city,
I never said I'd leave this town.
A falling out we won't tiptoe about.
Everybody gets there and everybody gets their way.
I never said I missed her when everybody kissed her,
Now I'm the only one to blame.
Things have changed for me, and that's okay.
I feel the same, I'm on my way, and I say-
Things have changed for me, and that's okay.Current Mood:  REHEARSAL |
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Seriously, I couldn't hate the weather forecast more right now.
Granted, I should be used to it, but I'm still annoyed that it was sunny while I was doing my dramaturgy, and now it's going to fucking rain all of spring break.
Blah.
Mar. 17th, 2008 @ 05:09 pm
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| » Why I love Jimmy Urine and Mindless Self-Indulgence: |
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"Who you callin' a faggot?... Yo- while you're out gay-bashing, I'm gonna be at your house fucking your girlfriend."
-Jimmy Urine
Feb. 4th, 2008 @ 07:53 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Rent popped up on my computer for the first time in ages this evening/morning.
Or maybe I found it for the first time in ages. Whatever.
For some reason, I can barely listen to it right now. It's almost overwhelming. I was about to say "I don't know why," but I do- it makes me think of my sophomore year. I'd just officially ditched pre-med for theatre, made dozens of new friends, started having tons of fun, had one of the best years of my life, really. Life was in front of me, and I was going to get the jump on it. Hell yeah, acting's nearly impossible as a living, but the dream's damn romantic, right?
Okay, well, this "life" guy I was about to jump... as I get closer, perspective gets better, and he's starting to look like an NFL linebacker. Or a 500lb bouncer. Either way, there's this impending feeling of "I'm about to get thumped."
And we get to Kevin's nearly-3am confession of this morning/evening- Shit's starting to get scary.
I'm getting worried about the URTAs, can't tell how much is the jitters, how much is actually unpreparedness. I took one of my new pieces to the grad student one-act auditions this weekend, did kinda so/so, which my new director pretty much confirmed. "Got cast on faith," something like that. Fine, swell, in that instance, we both knew it was a new piece, but that's still not a good long-run sign. I still need to get it coached and blah blah blahhhhh blah blah blllaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh......
My god, I'm even boring myself.
.......
And suddenly, a minor epiphany, and all the doubt sails away.
Yes, I'm totally serious.
Fuck it.
Day to day.
Chill a bit.
You're good at having fun. Don't worry.
Jan. 16th, 2008 @ 02:33 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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Oh man...
Car alarm.... right under my bedroom window...
Continually... for the last 15 minutes....
Shows no signs of stopping..
Urge to kill totally rising.
Jan. 3rd, 2008 @ 06:31 am
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| » Sweeny Todd |
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Loved it.
This movie proved a few things:
1.) Nobody has a creative vision like Tim Burton (but we knew that already)
2.) GREAT actors who are decent-to-very-good singers (Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman) will carry any musical and make it work tremendously better than great singers who are crappy-to-decent actors- See Zac Efron, particularly in Hairspray. Yes, he is a very good looking boy, and yes, he has a very pretty voice (though I wouldn't call it tremendous by any means), but the boy cannot act. He would look at Nikki Blonsky like she was his cousin, or an old friend, not like he was in love with her in spite of himself. You knew you would have to be in love with the fat girl when you signed up for the part, buddy. Pony up, or go work where you belong- in a boy band.
3.) Nobody understands both the beauty and humor of death like TIm Burton (final picture of the film, killing montage while singing the joanna song). Those guys dropping on their heads made me burst out laughing every time.
4.) It is impossible to make Helena Bonham Carter look unattractive. That hair, that costume, that makeup, and she was pregnant. Didn't matter.
In other news, Rudy Guiliani is a disgusting, slithering, lying, mother of all frauds.
Do I need to back myself up, or is it just as obvious as I think it is?
Dec. 28th, 2007 @ 04:26 pm
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| » Eurasia, Eastasia, Oceania..... |
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It just keeps on fucking going on and on and on...
Shit shit shit.
Dec. 27th, 2007 @ 09:34 am
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| » Kevin doesn't like being original |
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YEAR IN REVIEW
1-Did you kiss anyone?
What's kissing? Is it that whole mouth on mouth thing I've heard so much about??.... then yes...
2-Did you date anyone?
Yep
3-Are you going to kiss someone when the ball drops?
I dunno, maybe. Probably someone ridiculous, like Sam. We all know I like turning heads.
4-Did you lose any friends?
I don't know that I "lost" any friends, but I definitely seriously damaged a few budding/key friendships. Much regret there, believe me.
5-Did you gain any friends?
Oh fuck yeah.
6-Did you do something new?
No way! I've totally done professional street theatre in Paris before. Psh.
7-Did anyone important to you die?
I've never really known anyone who has died. I can't decide if I'm fortunate, because I haven't had to go through that, or not, because I'm in no way prepared fro when it does happen.
8-Did you change?
I sure fucking hope so. I was more of a "real" ass at the start of this year, instead of the playful smartass that I prefer to be.
9-Are you happy with the year over all?
Hard to say- major highs, major lows, really extreme on both ends. It was a growing year.
10-Whats the best thing that happened to you?
Meeting Jean, Clem and Sego, and going to Paris. Hands down. I miss it so.
11-Did you fall in or out of love?
always hard to say with me.
12-Are you happy the years almost over?
I could use a fresh start, but next year is fucking scary.
13-Are you going to change something about yourself next year?
I'll try. Less weed, more focus on my work and my studies.
14-Do you think 2008 will be a better year then 2007?
Again, hard to tell... so many ups and downs, and so much up in the air for next year
15-How many things did you screw up in 2007?
Many, and BIG TIME.
16-Did you go to an amusement park?
nope.
17-Did you go to a concert?
yeah... I think Anti-Flag was the only one though.
18-Did you go to any parties?
I don't party.
19-Did you go on a summer vacation?
Paris count?
20-Did you lie to your parents?
Usually.
21-Did you get into a fight?
Physical, no. Verbal, yeah, a few.
22-Did you leave the country?
yesh.
23-Did you have a good birthday?
It was alright... didn't do too much, but I WAS in Paris, so it was pretty nice.
24-Did anyone in your family get married?
nope.
25-Do you think you grew?
no.
26-Did you dye your hair?
nah... red's hard to change.
27-Who do you think you were on the phone with the most?
Probably dana.
28-Did anyone sing to you?
With my friends? I'm sure.
29-Did you sing to anyone?
Again, I'm sur I did
30-Did anyone tell you they loved you?
Yes they did.
31-Did you ever go to the hospital?
Yeah, when Sean got his concussion at Action
32-What did you drink and eat the most?
Potatoes of various sorts, and probably beer.
33-Did you change your top friends at least 8 times?
I haven't logged into Myspace in about a year or two.
34-Did you change your profile over 10 times?
Facebook- probably? Do pictures count?
35-Did you change your default at least 20 times?
I dunno. What fucking default? This is stupid. Just stupid all up in the face.
36 - Did you get any new piercings?
Nah. Not a good idea with acting, except for the ears, which I don't want.
37 - Did you vote?
Yep. Fuck measure 50, I don't care what you say, it was devious shit and I'm glad it didn't pass.
38-Did you stick to your New Years Resolution from last year?
I don't make them. Change happens when you want it to, not at an arbitrary date.
39. Think you'll date someone in 2008?
I have no idea. I may be moving a bunch, so maybe not.
40. Where will you be when the ball drops?
Blue HAUS!
41. Do you think you will make new friends in 2008?
If I don't I will be really depressed.
42. Are you hoping to meet someone special in 2008?
I'd be foolish not to! Special people rock.
43. How do you feel, another year has passed you by?
I don't want to get old.
Dec. 26th, 2007 @ 07:50 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I'm reading The Golden Compass for the first time.
I love that the evil woman's name is Mrs. Coulter- sharing the name of the super-fucking-evil Ann Coulter, one of the only people who I think I actually would kill in broad daylight, given the opportunity.
Delicious.
Dec. 21st, 2007 @ 09:11 pm
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| » My one page play |
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Ghetto: 1941
China/France/Poland/England: Yo America! We got us a problem up in here! Japan and Germany, man, they be agressin’ on us dawg!
America: Man, thas yo OWN fuckin’ problem.
Japan: What bitch?!
*pops America in the face*
Japan: Now you muthafucka’s got a problem!
America: Bitch- I got a problem? Nah, now a problem’s got a problem til the problem’s gone!
*gats everyone onstage*
*drops uzi*
America: Wut?
*glares at audience*
America: Peace.
Dec. 17th, 2007 @ 09:59 pm
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| » Jacked from CJ |
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Why to support the writer's strike:
Nov. 21st, 2007 @ 12:24 pm
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| » Kevin is: |
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Fuck you.
I don't care.
Deal with it.
(And I hate that this doesn't even matter)
Nov. 14th, 2007 @ 02:13 am
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| » Maybe I'm a bit sick but... |
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I'm really excited about my schedule next term.
*Physical Comedy
Theatre history II (bleh)
**PS 399- Studies in Genocide in the Modern Age
**PS 399- Studies in US/Afghanistan, which is taught by Ken Debevoise. Dev, is this that teacher you were telling me I had to take a class from? Or is it Van Essen? Because s/he is teaching the genocide course.
So yeah... sounds freakin' sweet.
Nov. 12th, 2007 @ 11:21 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I just got hit with a huge wave of "my god, I wish I was back in Europe."
Oh man.
Nov. 12th, 2007 @ 10:32 pm
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| » Life am good. |
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I'm ridiculously happy at this moment.
We've had two runs of Endgame thus far, one more to go. And they've been pretty well received- of course I'm sure there are people who have been less than pleased, but that's Beckett. It's hard and demanding, and some people may not like the way we took it, and I'm fine with that. The last two nights I've had an absolute blast. Nevermind that the house wasn't even half full. I couldn't bring myself to care, it was too much fun to share what we had with the people that were there. And I love the variety of responses we've had- people who have never seen Beckett before and are some combination of confused and enthralled, Beckett nuts who already know the show inside and out and are happy to get to see a production of it, people who want to just sit and talk about the show (text) for hours afterward. It's so amazing to get to share a passion/obsession like this.
I feel very privileged at this moment. I'm thankful for the cast and director we've had.
I honestly can't help but smile.
Nov. 9th, 2007 @ 10:34 pm
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